This entry doesn’t have much of a point. I usually try to have a point. Today, fuck it. I might get my ass handed to me for this one, but oh well, I’m almost done with this school anyway.
One of the “perks” of going to the “top film school in the fucking universe” is that we get “industry professionals” to come in and tell us how little we know. So yesterday in my [CLASS WITHHELD], we had this guy come in who is, admittedly, a very successful [SUBJECT] director. We’ll call him Manly McAsshole. He was basically an “if they mated” between Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs and The Situation. You just know he’s stared at himself in the mirror saying “I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me so hard” a time or two. Then he takes off his armpit-stained wifebeater and flexes.
One of the first and most consistent points he had was how little we knew. Fine. We’re students, that’s why we’re here, to learn, and we don’t have as much industry experience as you do. But he tried to use examples of personality, do you make mistakes? He asks one girl what time she got up this morning, assuming she probably got up around noon. She got up at eight to go to ballet class. Was her head in the game, he asks? Yes, very much so. Bad example, he moves onto another guy. This guy hadn’t slept since the day before. Another bad example. But the point is that he works hard, way harder than we do! And his work is important, because he often works with [NAME DROP BIG RAPPER] and [NAME DROP CRAZY BITCH]. When we are “kids” we can get away with making mistakes. Because, you know, when you’re twenty you’re incapable of making mistakes that can have repercussions for the rest of your life.
This pissed me off because he assumed everyone in the room was a) an undergrad with b) no life experience. My friend, Matt, sitting next to me, used to teach in England. He’s lived in several countries, and speaks several languages. More than half the room were grad students. Some almost his age. One dumb bitch that I know of has children (to clarify, she’s not a dumb bitch because she has kids, she’s a dumb bitch because she’s a dumb bitch).
I… I just can’t even put it into words. My words are not aptly describing what an asshole this guy is. I am frustrated with my literary impotence.
Another thing he did was congratulate himself on what a dumb, annoying fuck he was when he was in college. Firstly, he was too dumb to get into USC without getting his [ESTABLISHED HOLLYWOOD BIGSHOT] mother and [NAMEDROP PRODUCER] to write him recommendation letters. Goddamn, what an entitled piece of shit. Didn’t claw his way up from the no-connections bottom like we did. He didn’t get along with any authority figures. He watched weird shit and Fellini and shunned the Hollywood elite, and made weird fucking short films that everyone hated because they didn’t “get it”. Not because, you know, they sucked.
He then proceeded to shit on his classmates who were more successful than he was. This guy may have success, but he “makes shitty movies.” This guy might have directed Brick, which was “alright” bit everything else he’s done is “complete shit.” But most of all, we should worship this motherfucker, because he “tells it like it is.” And we won’t get that from anyone else in this town.
Yeah, “like it is” from your white male entitled Hollywood perspective, you useless piece of shit.
He talked for over two hours. Matt and I kept looking at each other in horror, starting to wonder if it would end. When we were finally, mercifully, allowed to go on a break, we were stunned into silence for a while, stumbling to the elevator before I blurted, “What an asshole!” We bitched for a long time, walking away from the cinematic arts building for no other reason then to get away from the stink of Asshole. The Situation, if you will.
I realized two things:
1) I couldn’t remember anyone I’d met who’d graduated from my program who wasn’t an entitled prick.
2) His success was contingent on his confidence and egotism. A lot of people probably hated him for it. But some people are drawn to arrogance, like moths to a flame, and eat that shit up. He wasn’t that talented. His videos are okay, but he had never done anything great. His videos were firmly adequate at best. Firmly.
3) The entire class, especially aforementioned dumb bitch, ate that shit up.
My friend Matt does not like “USC people”. One time I tried to get him to explain it to me, and he had a difficult time with it. I get it now, though. Dumb Bitch brought up the fact that each individual class at USC cost us nearly 500$ a pop. I don’t think it’s quite that severe, but it’s still a sickening thought to think that not only for that money I was sat and condescended-to by an arrogant asshole who gets by in this business by virtue of his entitlement, but that I paid for it! Dumb Bitch was very happy with this thought; she considered this particular class “well worth the investment.”
I knew I was probably not going back to USC next semester, as it’s just to finish up critical studies requirements to get the expensive piece of paper (and I already have an expensive piece of paper in bloody cinema studies). I don’t want to invest in the school anymore; I want to buy property while the gettin’s good. My directing professor for my thesis, who is actually respected and successful without being an entitled prick whose mommy already works in the industry, told me that there wouldn’t be any harm in packing my things up and heading out and pimping my film rather than staying. But this, oh god this, this confirmed it. I felt like Matt and I were the only people in the room who were aware of the tremendous asshole in front of you, god’s gift to the Jersey Shore. In the words of the great Will Ferrell in one of his greatest performances, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
I don’t mean to seem like I got nothing from USC; I got plenty. Plenty! I don’t know if it was worth the money, but I don’t regret it. That said, I’m done, if for no other reason I don’t want to get the brainworms like some of these people ostensibly have. What an asshole.
Watch out, New York.