I’ve started collecting some of my favorite quotes relating to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Here’s a sampling:
“This is the first time a movie has attempted to teabag an audience.”
“And why couldn’t an Autobot translate these symbols?
Because Bumblebee is mute and the Racist Twins are poor black robots from the slums of Cybertron who never learned how to read. It’s a sad commentary on Cybertronian society. Like The Wire, actually.”
“So the Decepticons made a slutty robot to attend his college and enrolled her in classes and put her in on-campus housing just in case Sam ended up being important at some point in the future?
Apparently. It was an elaborate plan, but it sure paid off.”
“Michael Bay used a squillion dollars and a hundred supercomputers’ worth of CG for a brilliant art movie about the illusory nature of plot.”
“LaBoeuf projects a pathetic, wall-eyed dorkhood, when he’s not babbling like a tumor removed from Woody Allen’s prostate that somehow achieved sentience.”
“In a sense, it’s the first war movie ever to convey a real sense of the fog of war, the confusion that comes with battle. Somewhere around hour nine, you will understand why friendly fire happens in wartime.”
“It’s as if Michael Bay looked at Jar Jar Binks and said “Oh, fuck no. Really? People find THAT offensive? Fuck that, I’ll show them a fucking stereotype they’ll never fucking forget!” ”
“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together.”
“Their accents are Brooklyese, British and hip-hop, as befits a race from the distant stars. ”
“A giant, lumbering idiot of a movie.”
“It’s like sticking your face inside an electric can opener and your finger in a wall socket. And those are the good parts.”
“I’ve lost faith in humanity. There is no God. No purpose.”